For a couple months I have been posting devotional material from my out-of-print book (2006), “When God Gives a Time Out.” Today’s post contains chapter 7, but you can read chapter 1 here: “An Introduction to Time Outs” and then catch up on the other chapters. Today’s chapter focuses on our compulsion to do things because of our desire to be highly esteemed.

The Esteem Rush

Our compulsion to do is not only driven by our quest for an adrenaline rush.  We are also esteem-powered engines.  Our actions are often chosen and powered by esteem.  When we perform at a high level people take notice and praise us for it.  We all prefer commendation to condemnation.  This preference is normal and healthy.  When we begin to do things to get that praise we start to become compulsive doers.  Much like chemical addiction we start choosing what and how much we do based on the esteem rush it will bring. This tendency can be found in abundance in our culture.  Why do boys put so much more effort into sports than academics?  They receive a larger esteem rush from sports in our culture.  Both boys and girls buy clothes based on the esteem it will bring or take away.  And if you think you have grown out of looking for the esteem rush why does it bother you so much when your kids act up in the store?  Aren’t you afraid people may esteem you less as a parent?  Most sports and luxury cars are sold to adults because adults like the esteem of having a nice car – as if that has any reflection on them as a person.  We may think that the esteem rush is something for teenagers but it is just as prevalent in adults, adults are simply more discreet.  Children, at least, have an excuse.  Children are trying to form an identity and are exploring what brings them self esteem and esteem from others.  Children are testing to see if what they do has any effect on the people around them.  In short, part of the maturing process for kids is to do things to receive esteem from their parents and from others. While a child’s need to receive esteem may be compulsive at times, it is a part of the process of developing independence and the confidence to one day live in the adult world.  The problem is that many Americans never grow out of this phase.  Many Christians are also stuck in this pursuit of esteem. We claim to “fear God and not man,” assuming that we don’t pursue this esteem rush, but Christians are not immune to the addiction to esteem. Continue reading →